he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
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