shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
