Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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