New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
