omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Randomize
