My liver just broke up with me...
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
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