I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
