Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
