No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
