don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
