I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
