dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
