yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
