Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
