I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
