last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
