i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
