in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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