just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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