I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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