How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
