I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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