Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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