oh god the rape fog is back!
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Randomize
