Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
His hands were made for my vagina.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I just want nice things and good sex
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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