I got her a Nickelback box set.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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