Plan B is the new Plan A
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
