Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
