i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
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