and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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