Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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