Dual....:-)
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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