I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
