what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
