Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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