this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize