Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Your tits are I can't wait for
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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