On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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