god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
