i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize
