I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
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