I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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