TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
