Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
