I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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