Cold hands, warm shart.
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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