okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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