took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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