just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
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