That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
