It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
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