It's Friday. Sex?
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
