4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
