Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
