PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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