I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
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so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
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We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.