That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.