I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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