my soul wont recognize me after tonight
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
These 23 People Had Coworkers From Hell
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
21 NSFW Facts About Famous Celebrities That Will Blow Your Mind
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?