im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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