I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
