My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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