Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
