I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
