Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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