Please, let me fuck your mom
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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