i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
