we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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