The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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