someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
