Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
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