I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Randomize
