Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
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I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
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He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize