he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Randomize
