Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
